Keagan’s EEG results came back today and they found nothing abnormal. That apparently does not rule anything out though and we will still be following up with his neurologist. Which is nothing surprising. I don’t actually have to make a new appt as he was going in next month for his 1 year follow up anyway.
I can not believe all of the craziness that surrounded my little guy’s birth was almost a year ago. I still can’t fully describe the pain we went through. Having your baby taken away from you so close after birth and worrying if he is ever going to live a normal life- or live at all- is terrible I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.
We have been so blessed to have him be as healthy as he is. He is such a smart, happy little guy. Just how he should be. Today he said “bye-bye” for the first time. It was so cute.
I wish that I remembered happiness when I thought of his birth. I really don’t. There are happy moments in there, but more pain and fear surround it than anything. The day we brought him home from the NICU- that was a happy day.
I recently heard the term “birth rape” for when doctors force procedures upon women in labor and delivery. I don’t know if that’s exactly how I would describe what I went through…. but it may be close. I feel like I had my choices taken from me, I feel like I was violated. I know that the neglagence of the hospital hurt my son and I know I live with pain from it every day. Is that rape? I don’t know. But it isn’t right.
So as I get ready to celebrate my son’s birthday, I feel happy of course, but I also feel some of that pain brought up again. I hope one day I get to have a normal birth an a healthy child who gets to be at home with me right away. I wish I could go back and time and change things with Keagan, but I can’t. I can love this little guy more than I ever knew was possible, however.
Off to spend some time with my beautiful son whom I am blessed to have the joy of loving.
