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Archive for the ‘funny’ Category

Yes, Dear

I asked Keagan to bring something to me yesterday. His response? “Yes, dear.”

I’m raising this boy right! 🙂

Never mind that when I told him to stop jumping on the bed he replied “Well, I don’t know…”
My kid’s a riot.

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Here’s a conversation from last night:

Hubby: Keagan, where’s your belly button?
Keagan: (points to his belly button)
Papa’s belly button (points to Papa’s belly button.)
Mama has a belly button.
Hubby: Yes she does.
Keagan: Gramma has a belly button. And Grampa.
Hubby: Yes, they do.
Keagan: Mo-mo (Hubby’s mom) has no belly button.
Hubby: She doesn’t?
Keagan. Nope. Mo-mo has no bebo. Not yet.

And another from this morning.

Mama: Keagan, I love you.
Keagan. Thanks.

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Not quite.

There’s a lot of talk about the “Proverbs 31 Woman” in Christian circles. How we should all try to be like her. She’s like the Martha Stewart of the Bible. Only more wholesome. And without insider trading and time in prison.

I know I lack in the department of all things domestic. So I took a look at what the Bible has to say about her last night: (Proverbs 31:10-31 from The Message paraphrase)

A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She’s quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
“Many women have done wonderful things,
but you’ve outclassed them all!”
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!

That’s a lot to live up to. So I thought I’d take it one step at a time. A reoccurring theme in the passage is that she gets up early. So I thought I would give it a go. I am not a morning person by any means. But my husband has been asking it of me and I have been thinking I would love the time to myself before the kids were up… so this stuck out to me as a good place to start.

Well let me tell you, day one was not a success. Within thirty seconds of my leaving the bed, Keagan realized I was gone. (We practice the Family Bed.) I took him back to bed and told him he could be with Papa. He became hysterical. His screams woke his sister, who chimed in and soon we had a myriad of screaming voices echoing through our home. So much for up before the family.

So with screaming Eden in the sling and screaming Keagan on Nick’s lap now watching Kipper because I was bound and determined to make breakfast, I started boiling some water for quinoa. It’s something that I can make into both breakfast and lunch and that’s always good. So I start on the quinoa and Eden starts in on my breast while in the sling. Great one less screaming child. Maybe I can make this work. Keagan soon stopped screaming as well.

While rooting through the fridge for some veggies for Nick’s lunch quinoa, I bumped our only serving bowl off the counter. It tumbled to the floor into a thousand tiny sharp shards. Eden started screaming yet again at the sound of my bowl’s untimely destruction. Keagan started to scream at the sound of Eden’s screaming. I started to think the shards looked like a good tool for suicide. (kidding… please don’t call asking if I am “really okay.” haha)

Eventually, breakfast and lunch were made, the kids stopped screaming and we all got of the house on time. But my goodness. What a way to start my day.

I guess it takes some practice, luck and patience to be a “Proverbs 31 woman.” I hope she had days like this. It’s only fair, right? 🙂

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Mama, I Cry!

I wanted to share some of the cute things Keagan has been doing before I forget them.

A few weeks ago, I was in the bathroom and Keagan was asleep. He woke up and started to call for me. I told him I would be right there. Then he said “Mama, I cry.” Yep. He threatened me. He knows I can’t stand to hear him cry and he used it against me. I told him to wait just a second and he started to cry the biggest fake cry I have ever heard. When I walked into his room he had quite a silly smile on his face. Goofball.

Throughout the pregnancy he’s been strangely realistic about everything. There is a baby in my tummy. Not his. Not papa’s. Not random other people unless they are actually pregnant women. But yesterday he decided there was a baby in his tummy too. Quite cute really. I tried to explain to him that only mamas get babies in their tummies, but it did no good. Today he’s back to reality. The only one with a baby in their tummy in our household is me.

He’s started singing along when I sing to him/ he hears music on the radio. So cute. He gets about every third word and makes up the rest. His rendition of “Silent Night” cracks me up. I wish I had it on video.

He’s in a fearful stage right now. He is afraid of everything. His friends “Cookie Monster” toy terrified him the other day. He hid behind me to get away from it. I am not sure what it is about but it both breaks my heart and makes me laugh at the same time.

He is getting good at writing his letters. Unfortunately, he wrote and “A” and a “Y” on the floor yesterday. Thankfully, color crayon cleans off of linoleum fairly easily. When I saw it I could not decide if I was proud or mad. 🙂

He’s growing up so fast. I can’t believe he will be two soon. WAY too soon.

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Keagan has decided he’s afraid of the bath. It’s making bath time ever so hard.

Maybe he can just skip baths all together and be the stinky kid  😉

He has also taken to stripping down to nothing and peeing in the corner when he has to go. I know I need to potty train him, but he won’t sit on the potty naked. He is so goofy! He loves the thing when he has clothes on…

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So today I went for lunch with my mother and my son. On the way back to the car, I felt a pain on my leg. And then I felt it again… and again. It started to really hurt. I hopped around a bit and then told my mom to take Keagan so I could figure out what it was. Then I felt something crawling on my leg. Some sort of evil little creature had somehow gotten into my pants and worked its way to my upper thigh.So there I am, in the parking lot of Panera, hopping around like an idiot trying to decide how to deal with this. I wanted that creature out of my pants and I wanted it out NOW!

So my mom takes Keagan and wanders off somewhere and I go into the car and take my pants off. I had several welts up and down my leg left by whatever evil creature worked its way into my jeans.. I wanted to shake out my pants, but I don’t want said creature free in the car. And well, being half naked, I didn’t want to get out of the car and shake them out myself.

I tried to first wave to my mother, who had wandered away in the courtyard. She was showing Keagan a flower. I swear to God she looked right at me, and then back to Keagan and the flowers. So I honk the horn. She looks to the Saturn again and goes back to Keagan and the flower. The windows don’t roll down unless the key is in, so I opened the door to yell at her to come take the pants, exposing bits of my half naked self to half of Gig Harbor. Once again, my mom looks at me and then goes back to playing with Keagan. So I hit the horn again and finally she realized it was me making all that noise and she came.

She swears she didn’t know it was me…. she thought it was coming from another car…I think she was secretly mad at me for something…

Anyway, back to nearly naked Steph and the angry pants creature….
I handed my mom the pants and she handed me Keagan. She shook them out to no avail. I turned to the seat.

And
I
Screamed

(like a little girl)

on the seat was the biggest dead bee I have ever seen. I am not kidding, this thing was HUGE. I really didn’t mean to scream, but it was just so large. That, and I was not positive it was dead yet.

So mom takes Keagan back (who at this point is crying because Mama screamed) I fling the bee out of the car and close the door. In trying to wiggle my way back into my pant in the crowded back seat I flash the remaining half of Gig Harbor and we move on our way.

My leg still hurts and I still have that creepy, crawly feeling.

Just thought you may have needed a comedic break to your day.

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